REFLECTION (Self Portrait)
48”x 60”x 1.5”
Mixed Media
2021

An actual moment where I caught my reflection in the mirror of an old civil war era wardrobe where I was storing flags (Pride, American and Confederate) for future art projects. One afternoon I heard the creaking of the wardrobe door behind me. My cat had jumped on top of the wardrobe and had jarred the door open. As I turned around, I caught my reflection in the mirror with the lone Confederate Flag ominously peeking out from the shadows. This piece was inspired from the photograph I took with my phone at that very moment.

This brief visual moment of reality was a stark reminder that no matter how much you try to educate yourself and pull yourself out of the ignorance, myths and whitewashed history of the South, that upbringing and close-minded environment will always remain in your background. It’s part of what has made you who you are today. The struggle at family reunions, the painful conversations with your elders, the youth in your family due to perpetuated disinformation of hatred and discrimination, all in the name of ‘heritage’ and ‘southern pride’, never goes away.

I was taught that the Civil War was fought over ‘states rights’, ‘Northern aggression’ and ‘the taxation of goods’. Boys I knew in high school started a ‘BTA’ (Back to Africa) Movement in school and plastered flyers on the walls outside of classrooms. A cross was burned by a local boy in the yard of a woman who dated a black man. Another woman who dated a black man that I knew whose father was in the Klan in South Arkansas, was mysteriously murdered one night with her young interracial child and buried without an investigation. When a relative suspected that I was gay, I was pulled outside of the house in the backyard and told “Well, at least you’re not dating any ‘N***ers’. And the ‘N’ word is still used openly to this day in South Arkansas. Progress since then? Some. Not enough. I’ve had to sever ties with several of those boys, now full-grown men, who continue to spew their filthy lies and hatred while hiding behind tainted scripture. No, it never leaves you, but facing the truth is the first step toward change.